Contemplative

Well, I've taken to thinking as of late. Contemplating, dreaming... seeking wisdom, guidance and grace as I prepare for this somewhat vague step that looms out in front of me.

Ironic, it would seem. While in one hand I feel I have more vision, purpose, and direction for my life... I still feel this awkward sense of uncertainty looming over my head. Though I can see the steps I need to take laid out before me, there is still the ominous feeling that I am taking blind steps of faith.

It stirs up an interesting combination of excitement and nervousness inside of me. The future, while held in God's hands, is still a mystery to me. The path that I will take to translate my dreams to reality has not been fully illuminated to me... only a few steps with an almost awkward spotlight on certain areas.

I want my dreams to be fulfilled so bad. There are so many times I can see myself walking in those shoes... doing the things that I dream about doing. These dreams help me to justify the time I spend in preparation, but than again there's the horrible doubts that like to crawl up like termites and gnaw away at my foundations.

Will these things ever truly come to pass?
Am I wasting time dreaming and planning?
Will I ever truly get to China to do those things I so desire to do?

So I sit here, in meditation and contemplation, praying that the dreams I feel have been placed inside will not always merely be the dreams of a 20-something college student, but precursors to the life I was always created to live.